Family Fun Night
by YungVodkaDikost
Summary: When the Leader of the Akatsuki orders the rest of the organization to play a twisted game of Truth or Dare for Family Fun Night, chaos ensues. Love finds itself in the most unlikely of people, jealously rears its ugly head, sanity is questioned, the alcohol flows freely, and Hidan really wishes he could have his pants back. **Complete**
1. Chapter 1

**New Sakura and the Akatsuki randomness! I don't know what possessed me to write this but I'm just going to roll with it. I will be updating this story randomly. If you have ideas that you would like to add for Truths and Dares, I'd be more than happy to add them. This story is going to strictly be a side project for fun. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

 **Anyway!**

 **I do not own Naruto or its characters, just the plot to this...thing?**

 **If you enjoyed, please leave a review, favorite, and follow!**

 **S Lyubov'yu,**

 **Casper!**

* * *

Sakura was going to kill Leader, she silently swore that she would not die before her new mission was complete. She knew that Leader was a sadistic bastard, but this was totally ridiculous. How he could even think that this was a good idea was beyond her. None of the other members of the Akatsuki could figure out what the point of all this was either. They were all just as stumped as she was.

Fucking 'Family' Game Night. Why the hell their Leader thought this was something that they needed to do was beyond all of them. As far as they were concerned, their team dynamic was as good as it was going to get when it came to missing-nins and S-Class evil organizations. They managed not to kill each other when they sparred and went on missions. As far as they were concerned, that was good enough team dynamic. But they supposed it could be worse, after all, he could have them sitting around a fire singing fucking songs and make them talk about their feelings.

So, now here they all were, sitting around a large oak table in the living room of the main base. It was rare that all of the members were in the same building all at once and they all knew that the only reason they were all there was by Leader's orders. One thing that they didn't understand was why he and Konan were not required to attend the little Game Nights. Zetsu had been excused from the dreaded games as well. Some of the members were relieved, while it pissed other members off to no end.

Sakura was one such person that was pissed about the arrangement. Not that she didn't get along with her fellow members, it was quite the opposite actually. She got along quite well with all of her comrades. No, it was the fact that every time she was left alone with the group of males one of them would subtly drop hints that she needed to hurry up and get pregnant so they could have a baby to spoil; namely Itachi and Sasori. The two males were so damn baby obsessed that they had gone so far as to try to lace her food and drinks with aphrodisiacs in order to make her easier to seduce. Not that it ever worked, but that didn't stop them from trying. The last time they had tried to drug her, she had ended up using Kisame's body as a beating stick and smacked them around a little with their blue-skinned comrade.

"So, what fucking game are we stuck playing this time around?", Hidan whined childishly, the last thing he wanted to be doing at that moment in time was playing some pointless game with his comrades. He already trusted them enough not to attempt to kill him, what more did Leader want from him?!

"I've got the game card right here and I have a feeling we're all going to prefer being sucked into Weasel Boy's fucking Tsukuyomi before this night is over", Sakura sighed, waving the small flash card in her hand around for every one to see.

"I am _not_ a weasel.", Itachi sniffed.

"Shut up, Weasel-Chan.", Kisame muttered, shaking his head slowly at his partner.

"Read the damn card, yeah. I want to get this shit over with.", Deidara complained.

Sakura looked around at her comrades, smirking at their looks of impatience.

"Just spit it out already, this is wasting my time, I could be out in the field collecting bounties right now.", Kakazu snapped.

"Fine, fine, no need to get your panties in a bunch. The game of the night is...", Sakura trailed off for suspense. She knew that the sentiment was indeed _not_ appreciated.

"Truth or Dare."

"Fuck."

"Shit."

"Kill me now, yeah."

"Touch my knitting needles and die."

"Money..."

"Shut the fuck up, Mr. Krabs."

"Will you all just shut the fuck up so we can get this over with?!", Sakura snapped.

All eyes turned to the small, pink haired medic, eyeing her warily. All of them knew that she was planning to get them all back for something during the game.

"I'm going to need as much sake as humanly possible to play this game.", Kisame announced before standing up and heading to the kitchen to pilfer every bottle of alcohol that he could find. He returned moments later with a mountain of bottles stacked in his arms. After settling himself on the ground once more, he handed out various bottles of booze to his comrades before gesturing for them to start the game. It was going to be a long night.

"Since we're different from regular people, we need to set some ground rules, yeah. Sakura, you're the medic, set up some ground rules.", Deidara pointed out, turning his head to regard to pinkette next to him.

"Rules are as follows. If you are unable to complete the dare or truth given to you, you must shed a piece of clothing of the person who dared you's choice. Hidan, you can't dare people to be your sacrifice, no daring people to die. No daring people to get me pregnant, I'll rip your dick off. Don't give me that face, Itachi. If you pass out due to alcohol consumption, nobody is responsible for what happens to you. And last but not least, no daring people to cause themselves or anybody else bodily harm unless it is completely justified. All questions asked when picking Truth are fair game. Good luck, gents.", Sakura explained before grabbing the empty bottle next to her leg and setting it on the table.

"I'll go first, yeah.", Deidara sighed before spinning the bottle, when the bottle landed on Hidan, he couldn't help but smirk. "Truth or Dare, Zombie Bro?"

"Dare, bitch."

"I dare you to...hug Kakazu and tell him he's the best partner you've ever fucking had, yeah.", the blond snickered.

Hidan shot the blond the finger before attacking his partner in an exaggerated full-bodied hug. "Oh, Kakazu, you're the best partner a man could ask for!"

"That was fucking creepy, yeah.", Deidara shuddered.

The rest of the group couldn't help but agree. Hidan just shrugged and spun the bottle, smirking when it landed on Sakura.

"Truth or Dare, Doc?"

"Truth."

"Who is the hottest male in the room?", he smirked, noticing that every male in the room lean forward as they waited for her answer.

"Hottest dude? Seriously? Are you twelve. It's a tie between you and Deidara.", Sakura answered with a shrug.

Needless to say, Deidara and Hidan's manly pride swelled at her admission. Sakura just shook her head and spun the bottle, giggling evilly when it landed on the bane of her existence.

"Truth or Dare, Weasel Boy?"

"Truth"

"If you could choose any male in the room to knock me up, who would it be and why?", she asked, sue her. She was curious, dammit!

"I would say Sasori, Deidara, or myself. Myself because our children would be adorable and I've always wanted a child of my own. Plus, it would allow me to start rebuilding my clan. Sasori because your children would be downright adorable and would be masters at Puppetry and Medical Jutsu. Deidara because green eyed blond haired babies would be absolutely swoon-worthy. The bloodline limit the child would have would also be a perk.", the raven haired man explained, his normally emotionless eyes glinting with an unnamed emotion.

Quite frankly, it disturbed everybody to no end. Sakura''s face was an unhealthy shade of red from her embarrassment. Some questions were definitely better left unasked. This had been one of them. Her and her big fucking mouth.

Itachi just shrugged before spinning the bottle, revealing no emotion as it landed on his unlucky partner.

"Truth or Dare, Kisame?", he asked calmly, acting as if he had not just let loose the volley of baby related information mere moments ago.

"Uh...Truth.", his partner stammered. There was no way in hell he was going to do any of the sadistic dares that he knew his usually calm partner was capable of conjuring up. Nope. No way in hell was he taking the chance. He didn't feel like dying at the moment.

"Did you eat the rest of my dango stash and if it wasn't you, who did?"

"SAKURA DID IT!", the normally composed blue-skinned male shrilled.

"KISAME YOU FUCKING TRAITOR!"

"I DON'T FEEL LIKE DYING TODAY, WOMAN!"

"Sakura...prepare to die when this is all over."

"Bring it, Weasel Bitch."

"How about we just spin the bottle, yeah?", Deidara whimpered from his spot next to Sakura.

Kisame nodded before spinning the bottle.

"Deidara, Truth or Dare?"

"Dare, yeah."

"I dare you to slam down this entire bottle of vodka in one sitting.", the shark smirked, handing the blond a bottle of clear alcohol. He couldn't help but snicker when the poor blond visibly paled at his challenge.

The blond grabbed the bottle around its neck before twisting off the cap. He took a deep breath before raising the bottle to his lips, there was no turning back. He could do this. Oh, who was he kidding. His tolerance for alcohol sucked. He was so royally fucked. In the ass. He just hopped that when he died of alcohol poisoning, he would be remembered for his artistic genius. The moment the first mouthful of liquid landed on his tongue, he fought the urge to gag. Kisame just had to give him the potent shit. He chugged down the vodka with as much vigor he could muster. He could hear the small chants of "chug chug chug!" from his comrades and slammed the bottle on the table once it was drained of its contents. He left his stomach lurch and fought with every ounce of his being to keep the alcohol in his stomach. It had tasted terrible going down, he had no intentions of tasting it twice.

"Damn, Blondie."

"Throw up on me and die, Dei.", Sakura threatened.

"Didn't think the kid had it in him."

"Acceptable."

"A most artistic performance."

"What a waste of money."

Deidara just shook his head and chuckled when it landed on Kakazu.

"Truth or Dare, Stitches?"

"Dare."

"I dare you to set the entire contents of your wallet on fire.", the bomber smirked, handing the stitched ninja a lighter. He giggled drunkenly when he saw the man's face pale at the thought of burning his hard earned money.

"I won't fucking do it.", Kakazu spat.

"Then lose the shirt, Stitches.", Deidara snickered, flailing slightly when the thick material of Kakazu's shirt made contact with his head. He tore the shirt off his head with shudder and threw it behind him.

Kakazu rolled his eyes before spinning the bottle, when it landed on Sasori, he turned towards the Puppet Master.

"Truth or Dare?", he grumbled.

"Dare.", the Puppet Master replied calmly.

"I dare you to make out with Itachi for no less than two minutes. And make it believable.", the stitched ninja smirked beneath his mask.

Itachi and Sasori both blushed before turning towards each other, squaring each other up.

Sakura held a hand to her nose, willing herself not to get a nose bleed.

Kisame cringed at the thought of his stoic partner doing anything remotely sexual, especially to another man.

Deidara just buried his face in Sakura's shoulder, refusing to bare witness to the atrocity that was about to go down in the living room.

Sasori raised himself from his position on the floor and made his way calmly over to the raven haired Uchiha. He looked his partner in Baby Love in the eye before depositing himself into Itachi's lap. When he received a small nod from the male, he leaned in and sealed his lips over Itachi's.

* * *

 **I still have no idea why I decided that this needed to be written. But it took up a mind of its own. This started as something completely different and just kind of became...this. I don't have any words to describe it, but fuck it. It was fun to write. As I stated at the top, I will be updating this when the inspiration strikes. If you have any ideas that you would like to be included, feel free to post a review with your suggestion.**

 **Baby Crazy Sasori and Itachi are BACK BABY! If you have read any of my other stories, I'm sure you are familiar with them lmao.**

 **Itachi's knitting needles are legendary!**

 **Anyway...if you enjoyed, please leave a review, favorite, and follow!**

 **Until Next Time!**


	2. Chapter 2

**So, I'm back with a new chapter. I'm going to apologize for the cringe that you are about to witness and imagine. At one point I had to close my laptop to regain control of my raging hormones and regain my composure.**

 **Warning; Itachi talking about sex is up ahead. You have been warned!**

 **NAKED OROCHIMARU'S FOR EVERYONE!**

 **Anyway!**

 **I do not own Naruto or its characters, just the plot to this atrocity.**

 **If you enjoyed, please leave a review, favorite, and follow!**

 **S Lyubov'yu,**

 **Casper!**

* * *

Previously;

 _"Truth or Dare?", he grumbled._

 _"Dare.", the Puppet Master replied calmly._

 _"I dare you to make out with Itachi for no less than two minutes. And make it believable.", the stitched ninja smirked beneath his mask._

 _Itachi and Sasori both blushed before turning towards each other, squaring each other up._

 _Sakura held a hand to her nose, willing herself not to get a nose bleed._

 _Kisame cringed at the thought of his stoic partner doing anything remotely sexual, especially to another man._

 _Deidara just buried his face in Sakura's shoulder, refusing to bare witness to the atrocity that was about to go down in the living room._

 _Sasori raised himself from his position on the floor and made his way calmly over to the raven haired Uchiha. He looked his partner in Baby Love in the eye before depositing himself into Itachi's lap. When he received a small nod from the male, he leaned in and sealed his lips over Itachi's._

* * *

The moment their lips touched, Sakura held her nose tighter to stop the blood begging to exit her nostrils, trying as hard as she could to stop her blood from staining her clothing and the carpet below. She heard Hidan snicker on his side of the table, no doubt secretly recording the entire scene that was unfolding. Deidara just moaned pitifully into her shoulder, refusing to remove his head from the medic's shoulder.

The minute Sasori's lips touched Itachi's, it was like a bomb went off. He felt something spark deep within his chest, a strange feeling that he had never felt before in his life. He found quickly that he rather enjoyed the feeling and the minute he felt Itachi's lips press harder against his own, the burning feeling in his chest seemed to intensify. He tilted his head to deepen the kiss before running his tongue across the raven's bottom lip, mentally sighing when he was granted access. He dove headlong into the Uchiha's mouth, bound and determined to explore every inch of the warm cavern and his partner was more than willing to allow him to explore. He had to bite back a small moan that rose in his throat when he felt Itachi's tongue rub against his own, coaxing it into a sensual dance. Both were completely content with the kiss, neither party tried to take control of it. Neither of them knew how much had time had passed and were too caught up in their current situation to have a care in the world about such things.

They were broken out of their blissful moment when they heard Kisame clear his throat, signalling that they could stop at anytime.

The blue-skinned man would have preferred that they ceased their actions as soon as humanly possible. He doubted that he would be able to look his partner and the Puppet Master the same way again. The sound of Sasori moaning would forever haunt his dreams and nightmares. There were some sounds in life that were best left unheard.

Sasori moaning was somewhere near the top of his list.

Sakura had other thoughts though. Sasori moaning was near the top of her List of Sexy Ass Noises EVER.

A sigh of relief was heard from Kisame when the two finally left each other's embrace, neither party looking even a little bit ashamed. If anything, they looked about ready to continue what they had started. Both Sasori and Itachi completely missed Hidan stashing away the video recorder that he had been using to record their little make out session.

 _'Blackmail, motherfucker.'_

 _"_ Uh, Deidara? It's over now. You can get off me anytime.", Sakura said awkwardly as she removed her hand from her nose.

"You promise, yeah?", the blond slurred slightly.

It seemed that the vodka had done more damage to him than they had realized.

"I promise, Dei.", she assured, rolling her shoulder when he removed himself from her person.

"If you are quite finished, we still have awhile before this game is over. Sasori, if you would.", Kisame sighed, he didn't even want to know what sort of insanity was going to happen next.

With a small nod, Sasori flicked the bottle with a finger and watched it spin. He smiled sadistically when it landed on Sakura.

"Shit."

"Truth or Dare, Doll?"

"Truth, you little bastard."

"Why do you refuse to give Itachi and I a baby to spoil?!"

"Because you and the other's scared every male that has ever held interest in me away. You've basically forced me into celibacy.", Sakura snapped before spinning the bottle,not even giving the Puppet Master a second to respond to her answer. She couldn't help but snicker lightly when it landed on Hidan.

"Dare me, Doc."

"Dare you to sit in Kisame's lap naked until the bottle lands on you or Kisame again.", she smirked. Her smirk deepened when she saw both men pale.

"You bitch!"

"What I ever do to you, Pinky?!"

"Get nude, Hidan or you're going to be nude for the rest of the game. I know for a fact that you don't wear boxers under those pants of yours. As for you, Kisame, you sold me out to Itachi. Pay back time, fucker.", she cackled, not even reacting when Deidara scooted away from her slowly, afraid that he too would suffer her wrath.

With an unhappy sigh and few colorful curses, the priest removed his standard issue ninja pants before throwing them angrily at the medic. Sakura didn't even flinch when the crotch of his pants hit her square in the face, there were worse things in life than being pelted with a sexy males pants.

Like seeing Orochimaru and his man-bitch Kabuto naked.

That was a sight that she could have lived the rest of her life without witnessing and been happy. But Kami had decided to be a bitch and she had been forced to bare witness to the unholiness that was Orochimaru's pale ass.

Sakura shook her head to clear the mental image from her mind just before she watched an unhappy Hidan plop his ass into Kisame's lap. She bit back a laugh at their identical faces of pure horror and revulsion.

"Happy now, Doc?", the Jashinist barked angrily.

"Oh, Hidan, you have no idea.", she purred in response before snapping a quick photo.

 _'You aren't the only one with a camera, fucker.'_

With a silent promise of revenge, Hidan let the bottle spin towards its next victim. He cursed when it failed to land on himself and Kisame, instead landing on Itachi.

"Truth or Dare, Lover Boy?", the irritated priest bit out between clenched teeth, trying his hardest to imagine himself in Sakura's lap rather than a seven foot tall blue man's. Truth be told, it wasn't really working.

"Truth.", Itachi replied smoothly. He may have been a man of very few fears, but an angry, naked Hidan was not someone he wished to cross paths with. And it wasn't just because he didn't want to get an unholy dick to the face, it was because he had no desire to have a naked male chase him for any reason.

Except for maybe Sasori.

Okay, so Sasori was the exception.

He was brought out of his thoughts of being manhandled by the Puppet Master when Hidan started to speak again.

"How dirty do you want the Puppet Fucker over there to give it to you once this little game is over and done with?", Hidan asked with an smirk. He couldn't help but laugh like a lunatic when he saw Itachi's face pale and Sasori's eyes light up with interest. Oh, this was going to be _good._

"If you must know, I wish for him to pin me to the bed with his chakra stings and make me feel like a dirty little whore.", Itachi stuttered uncharacteristically, his face an unhealthy shade of crimson. He didn't even dare try to look over at the red-head out of fear that he would be disturbed by his answer.

Groans of disgust could be heard from Kakazu, Hidan, Kisame,and Deidara.

A soft moan of lust could be heard from Sasori and Sakura. When they heard each other moan, they looked at each other and shrugged. Neither of them were about to deny that the mental image of Itachi being dominated was one of the hottest things they had ever thought of.

"Does Itachi even know what sex is, yeah?"

"I am more than capable of getting an erection and penetrating someone, Deidara."

"I...could have lived the rest of my life without hearing my partner say 'erection' and 'penetration' in the same sentence, thank you very much."

"It's at times like this where I wish I had a fucking filter and the ability to die."

"Leader better be paying me for sitting here and listening to this shit."

"I think I just found a new OTP and I think I just had what they call a 'fangasm'"

"That's gross, yeah."

"Spin the fucking bottle Itachi before I renounce my religion and sacrifice _myself!"_

And so, the bottle was sent spinning once again.

* * *

 **Can't say I didn't warn you.**

 **Naked Orochimaru is just...*Shudder***

 **Just NOOOOOOO**

 **Again, I hope you enjoyed the fucked up things that go through my mind!**

 **If you enjoyed, please leave a review, favorite, and follow! It makes me want to delve into the fucked up places in my mind to pull these situations out and put them on paper...er...virtual paper? I think? Who knows!**

 **Going to go pray to the Anime Gods for forgiveness now!**

 **Until Next Time!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Been awhile since I updated this story! Sorry! I have to say, this story is way too much fun to write, haha.**

 **As always, if there is a dare or question you want a certain member of the Akatsuki to be asked, leave your requests in the review section!**

 **Anyway!**

 **I do not own Naruto or its characters, just the plot to this story.**

 **If you enjoyed, please leave a review, favorite, and follow!**

 **S Lyubov'yu,**

 **Casper**

* * *

 _Previously;_

 _"Does Itachi even know what sex is, yeah?"_

 _"I am more than capable of getting an erection and penetrating someone, Deidara."_

 _"I...could have lived the rest of my life without hearing my partner say 'erection' and 'penetration' in the same sentence, thank you very much."_

 _"It's at times like this where I wish I had a fucking filter and the ability to die."_

 _"Leader better be paying me for sitting here and listening to this shit."_

 _"I think I just found a new OTP and I think I just had what they call a 'fangasm'"_

 _"That's gross, yeah."_

 _"Spin the fucking bottle Itachi before I renounce my religion and sacrifice myself!"_

 _And so, the bottle was sent spinning once again._

* * *

When the bottle landed on Kakazu, nobody knew whether they should be grateful or absolutely fucking _terrified._ None of the other Akatsuki members even tried to figure out, much less understand, the fucked up things that probably went through the dark haired Uchiha's mind. And none of them were quite ready to find out. When it came right down to it, every person in the room was relieved that the bottle had not landed on them.

"Truth or Dare, Kakazu?"

"Dare...", the stitched ninja sighed. He wanted nothing more than to be back in his room, in his comfortable bed, wearing a fucking shirt, and counting his goddamn money. Apparently that was way too much to ask. Maybe he'd get lucky and Itachi would dare him to retire from the game. He said a silent prayer to Hidan's supposed God, not having any idea why _that_ was the God he chose to pray to at that very moment in time.

"I dare you to retire from this game, you aren't finding much enjoyment in this and, truth be told, I have no desire to see you lose your trousers."

Okay, so maybe Kakazu could understand Hidan's love for Jashin. Apparently praying to the bastard actually worked. With not so much as a nod or a word, he rose from the floor and fled out of the living room without so much as a glance backwards.

"So, uh, who is going to go since Kakazu left?", Kisame asked, silently hoping that Itachi would allow him the honors to spinning the bottle. He wanted revenge dammit! Having a full grown _naked man_ sitting on his lap was something he had never wanted to experience and now, due to the pink haired medic he adored deep down, he was living out one of his cruelest nightmares. And why, just why did it have to be Hidan?!

"Sasori, you spin the bottle.", Itachi replied with a small blush, he tried to ignore the feminine squeal of delight that burst from Sakura's lips. If anything, it just made him blush a deeper shade of crimson.

Sasori just smirked at the raven haired Uchiha and spun the bottle, lifting his eyes to meet his partners when it landed on Deidara.

"Dare me, partner.", the blond slurred.

"I dare you to drink the rest of this bottle of sake in one go. You're much more tolerable when you're drunk.", the Puppet Master ordered with a small smirk. He slowly inched himself closer to the dark haired Uchiha, trying to once again ignore the delighted squeal that came from the medic. She was getting just a little too excited about his new found attraction to Itachi.

"Is it get Dei Dei drunk day or something, yeah?!", the blonde cried before chugging the entire contents of the bottle of sake that his partner gently pushed towards him. He had a feeling that his partner and the rest of the organization was going to use this chance to exploit his weakness to alcohol. He was two bottles in and was surprised that he wasn't blacked out on the floor yet.

"You're already drunk, Deidara.", Sakura pointed out before running her hands through his long, blonde tresses. Had his hair always been this long? Hell, had it always been this fucking soft?! She moved her body so she was sitting behind the drunken blonde and continued playing with his silky hair.

"Bite me, yeah.", he huffed before spinning the bottle, praying to Hidan's god that it wouldn't land on the priest or Kisame. While he wasn't really interested in seeing a naked man, seeing their uncomfortable faces was fucking priceless. He silently cheered when it landed on Itachi. "Truth or dare, Red Eye?"

"Truth.", the dark haired Uchiha replied smoothly. He was still trying to figure out why he was still sitting around playing this childish game. Normally, he would have flat out refused Leader's orders and locked himself in his room. He still could not figure out why he had allowed himself to be sucked into this game. Though, he had to admit, finding out that Sasori was just as attracted to himself as he was to the Puppet Master was pleasant enough.

"Are you a virgin, yeah?", Deidara asked, his face a blank mask. He squinted at the Uchiha, carefully fixing his gaze at the man, ready to catch him in a lie if he tried to pull one over their heads. He felt Sakura lean against his back, no doubt copying his expression. He didn't even notice Kisame and Hidan inching forward slightly, eagerly waiting for the answer.

Sasori watched his new love interest closely, trying to figure out if the thought of Itachi being dominated by another man bothered him or not. After a moment of thinking, he cam to the conclusion that yes, it fucking bothered him. A lot.

"No, I am not a virgin.", Itachi replied as smoothly as he could through the beet red blush adorning his cheeks.

Every member of the Akatsuki's jaws dropped.

The sounds of three doors slamming open down the hall could be heard and three sets of thundering footsteps could be heard running down the hall. Pein, Konan, and Kakazu all skidded to a halt at the entrance of the living room. All of their eyes wide at the Uchiha's confirmed sex drive.

"My partner is finally a man!", Kisame cried.

"I demand to know who it was.", Sasori hissed.

Sakura and Deidara promptly fainted. One due to a nose bleed, the other due to too much booze.

"So you've had your fucking peanut butter stirred, eh, little red eye.", Hidan snickered crudely.

"How much did your lay cost you?", Kakazu demanded, completely convinced that Itachi had lost his virginity to a hooker.

Konan looked like she was ready to pass out, the suspense was killing her dammit!

Pein silently raised an eyebrow as he waited for his comrade to answer the question.

Itachi didn't think his blush could burn any hotter.

Just as the Uchiha was about to open his mouth to answer the question, Sakura shot up from her fainted position on the floor. Her hand was covering her still bleeding nose, her gaze cutting through the crowd of criminals and closing in on their Leader. She narrowed her eyes at his sudden presence in the living room.

"Just how did you know that Itachi had answered the question that all of us have been wondering for fucking years, oh precious Leader?", she hissed around her bloody nose.

Pein froze and paled slightly. They weren't supposed to know that him and Konan always watched these games through a hidden camera. Shit. They'd been caught.

"I...well..you see.", he stuttered, suddenly very intimidated by the small, pink haired woman. There were only two women in his life that well and truly terrified him. And they were both in the room.

"You set these games up to fucking spy on us, don't you.", she growled, slowly lifting herself off the ground. She stalked slowly towards their Leader, reveling in the fact that he paled further with every step she took. She could have laughed at the horror struck look on his face as Konan slowly stepped away from him if she wasn't so pissed at him.

"It was his idea.", Konan confessed, pointing an orange painted fingernail at her partner. There was so way in the seven hell's that she was going to take the blame for this shit. She'd seen what their medic did to practice dummies and trees when she was pissed. She wasn't about to allow the same treatment to come to her face.

Sakura swore she heard Pein mutter something about traitorous partners under his breath and rolled her eyes. It was just like her Leader to think that he could get away with anything just because of his title within the organization. She noticed his throat bob as he gulped, knowing tat whatever she decided to do to him as punishment was not going to be pretty.

"I will accept any punishment you see fit in order to apologize for tricking you into these game nights.", he sighed.

"Then you and Konan best sit your pretty little asses down at the table. If we have to play this bullshit, you get to suffer too. Weasel, wake up Blondie. It's time for the next round to begin. And you may want to tell them who the lucky bastard was that got to pop your cherry.", Sakura ordered, not taking her eyes off Pein.

"Do I have to rejoin this bullshit game?", Kakazu piped up, praying to Jashin once again that she would let him go.

"No, you're free to go, Gramps.", Sakura replied, waving her unoccupied hand at the stitched ninja.

"Yes.", he hissed under his breath before turning on his heel and fleeing the room, fearing that she may change her mind.

She was a woman, she was allowed to change her mind at the drop of a hat!

Once Konan and Pein were seated around the table, albeit grudgingly, the game could continue.

"Before we continue, Itachi, who popped your cherry.", Sakura asked, her eyebrow raised, silently challenging him to refuse to answer.

"I lost my virginity to Kakashi Hatake.", Itachi admitted with a sigh.

"My fucking sensei?! Fucking really man?!", Sakura roared with fury.

"The very same.", he nodded.

"Was it good?", she asked, squinting at him.

"He was a true beast between the sheets.", he admitted with a smirk.

"Did you see his face?", she demanded, pounding a fist on the table.

"Sculpted by the Gods.", he swooned.

"I hate you so much right now.", she moaned pitifully.

"As much as I enjoy watching you two squabble like old women, shall we continue?", Pein suggested, wishing he was anywhere but in the room.

"As you wish.", Itachi sighed before letting the bottle spin once again.

* * *

 **Oooooooo Pein you've been busted, boy! Konan is going to let your ass take all the blame!**

 **Pein and Konan are finally contenders in the game!**

 **Let the fun begin!**

 **Again, if you enjoyed, please leave a review, favorite, and follow!**

 **Until Next Time!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Dear God, it's been forever since I've updated this story. Sorry guys! I have a million projects and it's hard to balance all of them. Forgive me because it's almost Christmas? Please?**

 **Anyway.**

 **I do not own Naruto or its characters, just the plot to this obvious molestation of fictional characters.**

 **If you enjoyed, please leave a review, favorite, and follow! If you have dares or questions you want asked to certain characters, please feel free to share. The story would probably get updated more often, to be honest.**

 **S Lyubov'yu,**

 **Casper**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXX**

Previously;

 _"I lost my virginity to Kakashi Hatake.", Itachi admitted with a sigh._

 _"My fucking sensei?! Fucking really man?!", Sakura roared with fury._

 _"The very same.", he nodded._

 _"Was it good?", she asked, squinting at him._

 _"He was a true beast between the sheets.", he admitted with a smirk._

 _"Did you see his face?", she demanded, pounding a fist on the table._

 _"Sculpted by the Gods.", he swooned._

 _"I hate you so much right now.", she moaned pitifully._

 _"As much as I enjoy watching you two squabble like old women, shall we continue?", Pein suggested, wishing he was anywhere but in the room._

 _"As you wish.", Itachi sighed before letting the bottle spin once again._

* * *

Itachi mentally cheered when the bottle landed on Sakura, he'd get his revenge for making him answer such a humiliating question. Especially after the rest of the organization had seemed distracted by the fact that Konan and Pein had heard the question being asked and had made an appearance. He'd also have to get his revenge on Deidara at some point too for bringing up his sex life.

He may be emotionally constipated but he was still a man, dammit!

"Truth or Dare, Sakura?", the Uchiha asked smoothly, his dark eyes glinting with challenge.

"Truth. Ask me whatever you want, asshole.", the pink haired medic muttered, clearly still upset that Itachi had not only seen her former sensei unmasked, but naked as well. Life really wasn't fucking fair, was it?

"Have you ever had sexual relations with anyone in this room?", Itachi asked with a smirk.

"If this is your way of trying to get revenge on me, you're failing at it. You should know by now that I'm an open fucking book and sharing who I've had in my bed to everyone doesn't bother me one bit.", Sakura responded in a bored tone.

"Then why don't you enlighten us, hmm?", came the Uchiha's response.

"Fine. Do you want to know the circumstances or not?", Sakura asked with a shrug. In truth, she really didn't have anything to hide or be ashamed of. She wasn't the silly, blushing virgin that she'd been when she had first defected from her village. A lot had changed in the three years that she had been a missing nin.

"Of course, I thought that would have been obvious.", came Itachi's reply.

"Fine. I had sex with Kisame once after we got completely hammered after a mission in Mist. Three days after I was recruited, I ended up riding Hidan into the sunset after a very violent spar. Konan and I have fallen into bed a total of three times due to feminine curiosity. And I may have accidentally felt up Sasori when he tried to kill me and turn me into a puppet when I was younger.", Sakura admitted with a shrug.

The reactions were automatic. Pein looked over at his partner with interest, silently wondering when she was planning on tell him about her lesbian exploits with their medic. Kisame's cheeks tinted purple with the blush that spread across his cheeks. Hidan looked smug as hell as he remembered the rough bout of sex that he and the medic had shared. Sasori looked downright uncomfortable as he remembered Sakura's accidental caresses during their battle a mere to years before she'd become a missing nin and had joined the organization. Deidara's nose bled steadily as he pictured Konan and Sakura rolling around between the sheets in the heat of their artistic passion.

Itachi though, he outwardly pouted at the fact that the medic had basically molested the person who he held romantic affections for.

"You just had to remind me that you molested me, didn't you?", Sasori muttered with a small blush, he turned his head away from the medic and pouted at the memory.

"Hey, if you're going to put yourself in a puppet body, don't make it molestable.", Sakura retorted.

"This is how I looked as a teenager!", the red haired male groaned pitifully.

"Damn, you were a cute teenager then.", Sakura snickered with a feral grin.

"Keep your hands off of what is mine!", Itachi snapped, his eyes bleeding red for a moment before fading back into their normal, dark color.

"Possessive are we? As I recall, I touched him first.", Sakura taunted, her grin still firmly in place.

"Against my will, mind you!", Sasori corrected with a pout.

As their bickering continued, Pein was still staring at his partner with shock. He tried to find a time where the blue haired woman had not been at his side. Since they'd been children and had been training as ninjas under Pervy Sage's perverted eye, they'd been basically attached at the hip. So when had she found the time to fall into bed with Sakura not once, but three times?

"Care to explain when you found the time to sleep with our medic, Konan?", Pein asked as calmly as humanly possible.

"After you've retired for the night. Seriously, Pein, I don't always need to be attached to your side. I'm my own person too, you know.", Konan huffed.

"I was merely curious, no need to get defensive.", Pein grunted in response.

"Was it good, Konan?", Deidara asked with a perverted grin.

"Mind blowing. There are quite a few wonderful things that she can do with her chakra aside from her enhanced strength and medical prowess.", Konan replied with her own perverted grin.

Pein and Deidara promptly fainted due to the sheer amount of blood that erupted from their noses.

"Those two really need to watch porn more often if a little lesbian action puts them in that kind of state.", Kisame muttered with a wince.

"This is the only time I'm ever going to fucking agree with you, Tuna Boy.", Hidan nodded in agreement.

"Think we're going to get out of our current situation any time soon?", the blue skinned man asked with a grunt.

"Jashin, I hope so. I don't fucking hate you or anything, but sitting on you completely fucking naked is a little too fruity for my tastes.", the priest snorted.

"Agreed.", Kisame groaned.

"Don't fucking groan when you've got a naked dude in your lap, fruitcake!", Hidan snapped.

"If you're done bickering, I think I should finally spin this damn bottle so we can move on with this shit.", Sakura sighed from her spot on the floor.

Murmurs of agreement sounded from around the table.

And so, she sent to bottle spinning once more.

When it landed on Pein, Sakura couldn't help the feral grin that made its way onto her lips.

"Truth or Dare, oh wise Leader?", she practically purred. She reveled in the audible gulp that she heard come from the orange haired man.

"Truth.", Pein muttered, deciding to try to play it safe.

Oh, how he was wrong in assuming truth was the safer option.

* * *

 **Short chapter this time around! Once again, I'm really sorry for the delay on this chapter! A lot of the shit I throw into this story is purely in the moment so I have to wait for inspiration to come to me! Which is why I ask for suggestions for what you would like to see in future chapters! Bit of drama in this chapter! Gotta love when that happens!**

 **Sakura is a little sex demon it seems. Just who else has she lured into her bed?**

 **Will any other special guests being joining us in future chapters? It's totally up to you guys!**

 **Just what is Sakura going to ask Pein? Any requests for such a question?**

 **If you have any requests for dares or questions for our poor players, please let me know in the review section, when it is added into the story, you will be credited for your input!**

 **As always, if you enjoyed, please leave a review, favorite, and follow! I will be trying to update this story more often from now on!**

 **Until Next Time!**


	5. Chapter 5

**And we are back with the next chapter! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. :) The ideas for this story are flowing more than they usually do, so there will probably be more updates in the future. Especially if you guys keep suggesting ideas for the story. Anything you suggest will more than likely make it into the chapters to come. :)**

 **I'd like to thank the Guest that left no name for me to refer them to for their suggestion for the story. I hope I don't disappoint you and that this chapter is up to your standards.**

 **Jacpin2002, I've got a bit of a surprise for you, my muse. Hope you enjoy this. ;)**

 **Anyway!**

 **I do not own Naruto or its characters, just the plot to this...thing?**

 **If you enjoyed, please leave a review, favorite, and follow!**

 **S Lyubov'yu,**

 **Casper**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Previously;

 _"Don't fucking groan when you've got a naked dude in your lap, fruitcake!", Hidan snapped._

 _"If you're done bickering, I think I should finally spin this damn bottle, so we can move on with this shit.", Sakura sighed from her spot on the floor._

 _Murmurs of agreement sounded from around the table._

 _And so, she sent to bottle spinning once more._

 _When it landed on Pein, Sakura couldn't help the feral grin that made its way onto her lips._

 _"Truth or Dare, oh wise Leader?", she practically purred. She reveled in the audible gulp that she heard come from the orange haired man._

 _"Truth.", Pein muttered, deciding to try to play it safe._

 _Oh, how he was wrong in assuming truth was the safer option._

XXXXXXXXX

The members of the Akatsuki would have been lying if they said that watching their supposedly fearless leader pale at the grin that their beloved medic wasn't wholly satisfying. It took a lot to intimidate Pein, and they knew quite well the terrifying power that the young pink haired woman was able to wield. In her time as an Akatsuki member, she had unleashed her wrath on everyone of the members at least once.

Even Itachi.

When the dark haired Uchiha was present, nobody dared bring up the time that Sakura had chased him down and quite literally beat the absolute shit out of him with an iron pan.

All because he'd eaten the last of the sweets and hadn't bothered to inform her that he was planning on going on a diabetes inducing binge.

And so, every single of the Akatsuki, the most feared organization in the Five Great Nations, watched as their Leader was being stared down by the newest, and possibly most sadistic, member.

"Did you honestly think that choosing Truth would save you from my unyielding need for revenge, Oh Great Leader? Well, you're dead wrong. Are you ready for your question?", Sakura grinned, her eyes glinting with mischief.

"Just remember who signs your paychecks.", Pein muttered.

"I'm not Kakazu, money means nothing to me. Your humiliation, however, will bring me more joy than money ever could.", the pink haired woman smirked.

"Get on with it, yeah! The anticipation is killing me!", Deidara moaned, his words slurring due to the amount of alcohol currently raging through his veins.

Sakura turned towards her intoxicated friend and snorted when a mental picture of Deidara's liver battling like some weird medieval knight against the effects of the pure alcohol that was flowing through his body. Sometimes being a medic gave you some of the strangest mental images.

"What Blondie said! The quicker this fucker goes, the quicker I can get the fuck off Tuna Boys goddamn lap!", Hidan snapped impatiently. The silver haired priest had been sitting in the blue skinned man's lap for more than an hour and he was more than ready to remove himself from said lap. That, and he kind of missed his pants. The draft in the room was starting to make his most intimate areas feel like they were going to retract into his body like a deranged turtle at any given moment.

"I'm sure that's the real reason. We all know you just want to watch Sasori and Weasel do the dirty.", Sakura retorted with a roll of her eyes, her lips drew up into a smirk when she saw the new lovers share a look and a blush. She should have been a matchmaker, she would have been so damn good at it.

"If you could please get on with it, I would like to get this over with as quickly as possible.", Pein grunted, mentally cringing at the horrible questions he had a feeling that she was going to ask him.

"Fine, since you're so eager to spill your guts to us. Pein, Leader of the Akatsuki, have you ever in your life had an orgy with all six of your bodies or had sexual contact with any of them?", Sakura asked with an innocent smile.

Konan whipped her head around so quickly to regard her partner that the resounding crack of the joints in her neck echoed through the room. She'd always wanted to ask her partner the same question that the medic had asked. She couldn't help but be curious about it. Her orange haired partner was always so secretive about his exploits and she had never once seen him take a woman to his bedroom. While Pein had a bit of a god complex and had inhuman standards when it came to people in general, he was still a hot blooded male with hormones.

Itachi, Sasori, Kisame, Hidan, and Deidara leaned it as closely as they could to their leader, searching his face for any signs of deception. All of them had been wondering the same thing after they had found out that their Leader was one of six pieces of a single soul that had been divided into six different bodies. They had all wondered secretly if Pein had had any sexual contact with his other bodies if it counted as sex or as some messed up version of masturbation.

Not that they were about to ask him such a question, they valued their lives.

The orange haired Leader paled at the question his medic had shot his way. How any of his comrades had found out about his other five bodies was beyond him and part of him didn't want to know how they'd come across the information. He had a feeling that if Sakura knew, all of them had to. News traveled fast in such a small organization and unfortunately for him, all of the ninjas under his leadership had a terrifying love for gossip.

"Well, Pein? Answer the question.", Sakura taunted with a chuckle.

The orange haired man muttered something quietly under his breath, too quiet for anyone to hear.

"Speak up, God Boy. You claim yourself to be a God but can't answer a simple question. I'm disappointed.", the pink haired medic scoffed, her arms crossing over her breasts. Her Leader had always been such an outspoken man who never faltered when he said anything. So what was stopping him now? Could it be that she had actually managed to make the usually stoic man completely uncomfortable?

If that was the case, she'd be holding this night over his head for at least a couple of months.

"Yes! It was one time!", Pein snapped, his usually pale skin was now resembling a tomato. He lowered his head in shame and couldn't bring himself to look at any of his comrades in the eye. While having sexual urges was completely normal, he didn't want everyone he associated with knowing about his bouts of sex. Especially when he was technically doing the dirty with himself.

Oh Gods, did that mean he was technically a virgin since his other bodies were technically an extension of himself? Pein internally moaned with self pity.

"While I believe that you've done the nasty with your other bodies, I don't believe for one second that it was a one time thing, oh fearless leader.", Sakura snorted in response.

"Why must you insist on torturing me!", Pein grunted.

"You started this when you decided to have us do these little game nights for you and Konan's own amusement.", Itachi pointed out from his spot next to Sasori.

"Indeed.", the red head murmured in agreement.

"If it wasn't for you and these fucked up games, I wouldn't be sitting nude in another man's fucking lap!", Hidan added with a huff, his cheeks tinting slightly when he felt Kisame's thigh twitch beneath him. The silver haired priest assumed that the man's legs were probably starting to go numb. He wasn't exactly heavy by any means, but he wasn't a tiny dude either.

"My legs are numb.", Kisame complained.

"Fucking called it.", Hidan muttered under his breath.

"Why his everyone else here finding love but me?!", Deidara wailed.

"I will never host a game night ever again, it isn't worth it after the torture I feel you idiots are going to put me through tonight.", Pein sighed.

"Damn right we're going to torture you. Revenge is such a bitch but she tastes so damn sweet.", Sakura cooed, her hand snaking up to trail through Deidara's silky, blonde locks. She tried to hide her smirk when the Bomber practically purred at her touch.

"Spin the bottle, Pein. Let's get this over with.", Konan sighed.

Her partner nodded and sent the bottle spinning once again.

Before the bottle could land on its next victim, a crash echoed through the living room and every head whipped around in search of the cause.

Sakura's eyes widened when she saw the body that had come crashing through the walls of their base.

"The fuck is he doing here and how did he find us?", she gaped, her jaw dropping.

She was met with two emotionless, jade colored eyes.

* * *

 **Another chapter done! This story is just so fun to write, lol. I'm aware that I switched it up a little with the Six Paths of Pein but oh well. It's been awhile and I honestly couldn't remember how that whole thing worked so I just kinda rolled with it. This story is nothing but molested characters and crack anyway, right?**

 **This story is unbetaed so excuse any mistakes I may have missed!**

 **If you have ideas for future chapters, don't hesitate to throw your ideas out there! You will be credited when they are written into the story!**

 **Pein fondles his other bodies, who knew? Is it technically masturbation or is it actually sex? That's for you to decide, I guess.**

 **Who busted in just as Pein was about to get a little pay back?!**

 **Why is Hidan suddenly blushing?**

 **Why is Deidara's love life so lacking? Poor guy.**

 **Guess you'll have to stick around for the chapters to come!**

 **As always, if you enjoyed, please leave a review, favorite, and follow!**

 **Until Next Time!**


	6. Chapter 6

**And we are back with the sixth chapter of this...whatever the fuck it is? Pure crack? Disturbing images? Whatever it is, it's fun as hell to write. I've noticed that I tend to bring out my inner sailor when I write these chapters and curse a lot more in them lol. Oh well, you guys should be used to this by now.**

 **This is actually the last chapter of this story, you guys! I decided that it was time to wrap it up! But! There is some info for you guys down at the bottom so make sure you take a gander when you're done with the chapter!**

 **Anyway!**

 **I do not own Naruto or its characters, just the plot to this insanity.**

 **If you enjoyed, please leave a review, favorite, and follow!**

 **S Lyubov'yu,**

 **Casper**

* * *

Previously;

 _"Spin the bottle, Pein. Let's get this over with.", Konan sighed._

 _Her partner nodded and sent the bottle spinning once again._

 _Before the bottle could land on its next victim, a crash echoed through the living room and every head whipped around in search of the cause._

 _Sakura's eyes widened when she saw the body that had come crashing through the walls of their base._

 _"The fuck is he doing here and how did he find us?", she gaped, her jaw dropping._

 _She was met with two emotionless, jade colored eyes._

* * *

Sakura's own green orbs locked onto the intruders equally green eyes. Her eyes widened in shock as she took in the shock of crimson hair that reminded her of freshly shed blood. A kanji tattoo was hidden ever so slightly by his bangs, it really wasn't difficult for anyone to figure out who had crashed their party.

"G-Gaara? The hell are you doing here?!", Sakura stuttered out. It wasn't like she wasn't happy to see her old friend, but the circumstances were less than desirable. She was a missing nin now, after all. She had left her legal ninja life behind, as well as the strong friendships that she had formed during her younger years. So why was Gaara here? And how the hell did he know where to find them?

"Glad to see that abandoning you village hasn't soiled your memories of the friendship we once had.", Gaara replied in his smooth, monotone voice. He knew that the rest of the Akatsuki were watching him intently in case he decided to attack them. While showing up in the heart of Rain Country and breaking into the Akatsuki's base wasn't exactly a smart idea, he wasn't foolish enough to think that he could take on the entire organization.

Sakura couldn't stop the small flinch that wracked through he body at Gaara's comment. It was true, she had left everybody that she'd cared about behind when she'd joined the Akatsuki. But what people didn't understand, was the real reason that she had left the safe confines of her village. Nobody knew, really, aside from Pein and Itachi.

"Did you seriously break into our base just to insult our medic, yeah?", Deidara growled out, noticing his pink haired friend's discomfort at the situation. In all honesty, he couldn't really blame her. Not only was this shocking and unexpected, it was downright awkward as hell.

"No, I've actually tracked her down for a reason.", Gaara admitted with a slight shrug of his shoulders.

"So, what is the reason that you felt the need to track us all down and break into our base?", Itachi questioned, his eyes bleeding red as he watched the intruder with sharp eyes. The dark haired Uchiha had no doubt that the Kazekage still held a grudge against the organization for his kidnap, technical murder, and the extraction of his tailed beast. He supposed he couldn't really blame the crimson haired male for holding a grudge, they had been a bit asshole-ish to him in the past.

"Yes, please do enlighten us as to why you've come here looking for me, Gaara.", Sakura sighed, her shoulders tense with stress. She really had no idea what t expect at this point.

"I suppose I'm more so here to tell both you and the Uchiha something.", Gaara muttered, his cheeks tinting pink.

Needless to say, every set of eyes in the room widened at the strange tint on the normally emotionless Kazekage's cheeks.

Why the fuck was the most emotionally constipated man alive, next to Itachi, fucking _blushing_ in the middle of the base of the worlds most feared criminal organization.

"There is so much wrong with this fucking picture right now. I swear if Hidan suddenly announces that he's actually gay for Kisame's fishy nuts, I'm going to cry.", Sakura mumbled under her breath as she stood at Deidara's side.

"Agreed, yeah. If this shit gets any weirder, we're eloping.", the blonde Bomber muttered in response.

"Deal.", the pink haired medic nodded slightly in agreement.

"You are trying my patience. Cease your stalling and tell us why you have broken into our home.", Pein demanded, his cheeks still flushed at his admission just minutes ago. He knew for a fact that his comrades were going to be giving him shit for months after this night finally ended.

Why the hell hadn't it ended yet anyway?!

The sun had to come up at some point and the fearsome leader of the Akatsuki couldn't help but hope that this night ended as soon as humanly, or godly, possible!

"I have come here to extend an invitation to you and the Uchiha to my wedding. I suppose you could bring the others if you really wanted to as long as no murder is involved. The wedding is being held on neutral grounds so no ANBU will be around to arrest you, only to watch for assassins.", The red haired Kazekage admitted, his blush darkening as he spilled his guts to the most wanted criminals in the land.

"You're getting married?", Sakura questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"What exactly does this have to do with me?", Itachi asked, completely confused.

"Why the fuck would you want people that technically killed you in the past at your fucking wedding?! Are you by chase completely retarded?!", Hidan snapped from his nude position on Kisame's lap.

"Gotta agree with the naked guy on this one.", Kisame sighed, his legs tingling as all feeling slowly seeped out of them. He silently hoped that due to this random encounter that the game would stop early so he could stand up.

"Did you have to remind me that I'm fucking naked, asshole?!", the immortal priest grunted with a small pout.

"I'm...sorry?", the blue skinned man replied with a raised eyebrow. He would have figured that Hidan would have been used to his nudity by now, especially since the silver haired man ran around practically half naked all the time anyway. He'd seen Hidan flash his nipples at everyone more times than he cared to admit.

Sasori shook his head at the duos actions, still trying to come to terms with what was going on. Now that he was getting a better look at the other ed head in the room, he felt a little unsettled with the strange resemblance he shared with the Kazekage. Gaara had the same shade of hair as himself and it was even styled similarly. Either the Kazekage had naturally stylish hair like himself or he had created a fashion statement in Suna before he left them nearly twenty years ago.

"Fuck, I'm old. Does Itachi like older men? What if he thinks the my young looking face is all a lie and starts to think that I'm hiding my wrinkles?!", the Puppet Master muttered under his breath, his eyes widening at all he possibilities. He didn't even notice that Itachi had torn his gaze away from the Kazekage and had turned his attention onto himself.

"Sasori, quit worrying about such foolish things. I am fully aware of your age and the age gap between us. It doesn't matter to me at all. I like you for you, not your body...even if it really is a gorgeous body.", Itachi whispered to the elder red head, internally cheering when he caused Sasori to blush to the roots of his crimson hair.

"If you guys are done drowning in sexual tension, I'd like to know who the fuck Gaara is marrying.", Sakura snorted as she shook her head at her comrade antics. Why did she have to be the only one that was somewhat sane?! And how the fuck was she able to hold onto said sanity anyway?!

"I would like to know as well.", Pein nodded.

"Me too, yeah! I wanna know if I should break out my tux or not!", the blonde Bomber drunkenly cheered.

"Why the fuck to do own a tux, Dei?", Sakura asked with a raised eyebrow.

"For situations like this, yeah. One of us had to get hitched eventually.", the blonde shrugged, acting like he'd just stated the obvious.

"I'm surrounded by fucking lunatics.", Sakura moaned pitifully.

"Any of us could have told you that, sweetheart.", Kisame pointed out.

"Shut up, Shark Face before I reveal your fucking secrets to everyone.", the medic threatened, her eyes hardening with promise.

"Shutting up, ma'am.", Kisame hastily spat out, his silver eyes widening with fear.

"Now then, Gaara, hurry up and tell me who you're marrying.", Sakura ordered. She needed some answers and she needed them now. Lest her comrades started to get fucking weird again. Granted, she was totally used to their behavior, but something about having the fucking _Kazekage_ present while they acted like themselves was horribly awkward.

She took a quick look around the room and took note of what everyone was doing at that moment. She noted that Itachi was actually drinking without being forced to, miracles really were possible.

"As you wish. My wedding is a week from tomorrow and I will be marrying Sasuke Uchiha.", Gaara announced to the entirety of the Akatsuki.

Sakura suddenly felt horrible for the poor alcohol that went spewing out of Itachi's mouth, straight onto Sasori's shirt. The Puppet Master's eyes had widened comically at the Kazekage's announcement.

Konan promptly fainted at the thought of Gaara and Sasuke creating the beast with two backs.

Pein suddenly looked very, very ill.

Hidan looked strangely smug, almost as if he had seen it coming.

Kisame just looked downright uncomfortable.

Deidara was silently wondering if he was the only straight man in the fucking ninja world.

Sakura was pinching her nose closed to stop the violent nosebleed that was trying to drip onto the carpet.

"You and my brother?!", Itachi coughed as he tried to hack up the rest of the sake that was threatening to drown him.

"Always knew Sasuke was a pole smoker.", Sakura sighed with shake of her head.

"You have no objections?", Gaara asked, his forehead crinkling, signaling that if he had any, he would be raising an eyebrow at her.

 _'Seriously, where the fuck did my eyebrows go? Did I have them as a young boy? And why the fuck do I have Panda Eyes? The beast was a goddamn Raccoon thing!'_ , Gaara mentally ranted.

"None, I've known he was gay since day one. You as well, for that matter.", Sakura shrugged.

"Who is going to carry on the Uchiha name now?!", Itachi wailed.

"Simple, we will just have to implant Sakura with your seed and raise a child with her.", Sasori suggested.

"For fucks sake! I am not a fucking baby factory!", the medic snapped.

"Wait, the elder Uchiha is gay as well?", Gaara asked, confusion lacing his voice.

"I thought that shit was fucking obvious.", Hidan snorted.

"Anyway...will you be attending, Sakura?", Gaara asked, returning his attention to his old friend.

Sakura looked around at her comrades and couldn't help but smirk. Bringing these idiots to a wedding would be priceless, especially because she knew that Gaara was half expecting at least a few of them to make a scene. It seemed that the seemingly emotionless Kazekage didn't want a quiet, fancy ass wedding.

If this emotionally constipated red head wanted his wedding with a dash of insanity, then she would deliver.

"We will all be attending, thank you for inviting us, Gaara.", the pink haired woman nodded with a small smile.

"Shall I inform Sasuke?", Gaara asked, a smirk making its way onto his features.

"Fuck no, let's surprise him.", Sakura replied, her smile turning feral.

Gaara nodded in agreement before turning his back to the organization. He left out the hole in the wall that he had entered through without so much as a farewell. Once he was gone, Sakura turned her attention towards the rest of the organization.

"I think it is safe to say that this game night is officially over. We have a to find all of you tuxes and Konan and I need dresses.", the medic smirked.

It was clear that every single man in the room, save for Deidara, were suddenly very, very scared of their petite little medic. They all had a feeling that she would be the one taking their measurements and she tended to be a little...grabby.

"Who knew family fun nights could be this...well...fun.", Deidara grumbled under his breath.

Murmurs of agreement could be heard throughout the room.

It wouldn't be until three hours later that Hidan realized that he still hadn't put his clothing back on, even after being freed from Kisame's lap.

* * *

 **And that is the end of this story! If you guys wanna see what happens at Gaara's wedding, let me know. I'll look into providing such a story for that. :)**

 **Thank you guys so much for sticking it out with me for this story, it was a blast to write! I know it was short, but it was a crack fic, they normally aren't that long lol.**

 **I do not use a beta so please excuse any errors I may have missed during my editing!**

 **As always, if you enjoyed, please leave a review, favorite, and follow!**

 **Until Next Time and hopefully I'll see you guys at Gaara and Sasuke's wedding!**


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